How Your Mask Is Just Like Your Undies. And how it\’s not.

1. Both masks and underwear exist to contain badness. Neither works 100%, but they\’ll curb the worst of the spill.
2. Don\’t borrow someone else’s, no matter how cool they look.
3. Keep them on around strangers, unless you’ve both been tested.
4. Cotton breathes better than polyester.
5. If they don\’t fit well, you\’ll be chaffing.
6. Wear them both when you visit grandma.
7. They stink at the end of the day.  They need frequent washing.
8. They\’re affordable and a worthwhile investment.
9. The lighter they are, the better you breathe.
10. Adjusting them in public is a no-no.
11. They\’ll cover your cold sores and droopy assets, making you more attractive.
12. Taking them off counts as foreplay.
13. They\’ll cover the drools and the drips.
14. You shouldn\’t stick your nose out of either.
15. They won\’t silence you. From MAGA to BLM, they help with your self-expression.
16. They cover revealing body language: your mask hides your smirk, your underwear hides it whenever your flag rises to salute foreign territories.
17. If you\’re looking for extra excitement, you can get them see-through.
18. They help block bad smells.
19. It\’s always a good plan to have a spare.
20. For both: cleaner is better.
21. They showcase your personality. Granny’s whites are to red lace thongs what an N95 is to a gauzy rainbow.
22. They only work if you wear them.
23. In extreme situations, you can switch.
24. In 2020, they\’re both highly recommended.
25. It feels wonderful to take them off at the end of the day.

BUT: 

1. While nobody cares about your undies, everybody cares about your mask.
2. Mask are more effective than undies as fashion statements.
3. Your undies never saved a life.
4. It\’s hard to make a political statement by underwear alone.
5. Your undies are for yourself, but your mask is mainly for the others.

Rada Jones is an ER doc in Upstate NY. She authored three ER thrillers, Overdose, Mercy and Poison, and “Stay Away From My ER,” a collection of medical essays.